69 – Sex, Conflict & Relationships with Jodie and Reece from Practical Intimacy

Real-life couple and intimacy coaches Jodie Milton and Reece Stockhausen started Practical Intimacy with the mission to transform how people do relationships. Through their one-on-one coaching practice, couple’s mentoring programs, online courses, and blog, they help men and women all over the world to create deeply fulfilling intimacy, thriving long-term connection and a super hot sex life. Their fresh and relatable approach has seen them work with clients across Australia and abroad, and their articles featured on sites such as The Huffington Post, Mind Body Green, Living Now and Raw Attraction.

Today’s exciting episode delves into all of these topics and more:

  • Practical tips to improve communication and connection with your partner (and how to ask them to work on your relationship with a professional)
  • Expectations in relationships
  • Smashing relationship myths like twin flames & finding the one
  • How to create a co-creative relationship
  • Top tips to improve all relationships whether they be intimate, work or business
  • Dealing with cliche’s & unicorns when starting an online business
  • The main problems they see that affect relationships in today’s society
  • How to run a business without ruining your relationship
  • Understanding that under every criticism is a yearning for more
  • Self-awareness and partner expectations
  • Fuck comprise – strive for connection

Connect with Reece and Jodie on Facebook and Insta @practicalintimacy and check out their blog at www.practicalintimacy.com

And  free access to their online training course- Conflict to Connection:

https://www.courses.practicalintimacy.com/get-free-access/

You can also check out the Video of our Interview here:

 

 

 

TRANSCRIPT

Unknown 0:03 Thank you so much for joining me today. Jody, erase it for practical intimacy. I’m so excited to jump into this conversation. hear all about your business, and everything that you’ve accomplished over the last four years. So welcome. Thank you. Hey, yeah, Unknown 0:21 sorry. This is a great conversation, talking all about relationships. And it’s so key, because I think relationships are such a huge part of our life experience. So can you tell us a little bit about how practical intimacy got started? Yeah, absolutely. For us, the story is really the story of our relationship and how our relationship started. So for us, that was just over six years ago, we just have three other day. Unknown 0:49 And basically, when we have rejected my relationship, we’ve been together for five years. And we just had the experience of losing ourselves and our relationships. I for me, I just had that feeling. I didn’t know who I was. And I really lost the things that lead me up that I was passionate about. And in my experience, at the time, it felt like my partner was controlling me on allowing me to do things, which wasn’t the case in knowing how to be in relationship. And so you can imagine how much strain that relationship we were fighting a lot, or the norm, how to resolve conflicts. And so adventure, that relationship fell apart. And for you, you’ve kind of been in a similar situation. Unknown 1:44 Yeah, I think coming out of that relationship, and just having the big realization of how much I lost myself in that relationship. And really, a lot of the healing work that came after that was around developing my relationship with myself, and how do I get back to being that person who I want to be in the world that I’ve given up unconsciously being in relationship. And so when God and I first got together, that was really one of the defining characteristics of how do I stay true to myself, like, how do I really prioritize my relationship with myself, and at the same time, be open to exploring relationship with another person. So it’s not an either or thing. But it’s important. And I think like a, like a lot of people who, who run like passion businesses, our business really grew out of this personal development work that we were doing as individuals, and as a whole in a relationship together. So we actually spend the next couple of years traveling around the world, just learning everything that we could about relationships, not with the intention to start a business, but just so we could optimize this relationship, so that we weren’t going back to having those old styles or relationships where we lost ourselves where we didn’t have sex for months, or years on end. And so it was really like for us, first and foremost. So, you know, taking courses, reading books, doing workshops, and just doing all the personal development work to really learn how to make relationships rock, at the end of that we kind of had the realization of, Hey, we were really nailing this relationship thing. And it just grew out of that, and the desire to, hey, maybe this is where I’m just something here, we should be sharing this with other people. And that’s really how Unknown 3:32 practical there’s a lot of what we found was like, why there’s actually science today, so much of what we thought about relationships, even accurate, but when you challenge me, it opens up so much possibility for really valuable, nourishing, rich relationships. And then there’s just a whole lot of stuff that we just wouldn’t have a tool at all. I mean, we don’t get much of a relationship, that relationship education is not really a subject in school, and kind of do a very small business education, but also not great. And so there’s just so much we don’t know. But once you learn to simple tools, number development of a framework, it’s actually much easier than you think. And so once you kind of once we knew that, it just tell everybody needs to know this Unknown 4:22 yet. So I would actually really love to know what’s the key things that you both individually had to work on yourselves through that journey of understanding all of that, what would you be able to share just one or two things that you worked on? Personally, Unknown 4:37 me, one of the big things was challenging me, Unknown 4:43 I just need to find the right kind of my head, I had always live tweet that just need to find the right person, which sounds okay, when you first look at it. But actually, it’s kind of just an adult version of, I just need to meet my fairy tale Prince. And then we’ll ride off into the sunset together, and everything will be fine. It’s Yes, you want to meet somebody who you’re compatible with, and have shared values. But it’s more than just, you made the right person and easy and that’s a life You don’t have to doing Hangouts. And that really came up for us when things got top when this relationship when we did have an argument, or when we went through a phase of not having sex, or when I started to feel smothered on last relationship again, I just would think, oh, he’s not the right person. For me, clearly, I haven’t. And I’m out of here. Like I used to me running away and just cutting cutting ties as soon as things pop top was a real patent that I had to come up against. And I had to face and basically had to make the choice. So is this relationship worth working on? Is this relationship worth going deep? And is this relationship worth what we call meaningful insurance, like, enduring the challenging times? Because there’s a bigger vision or being a meaning behind what this relationship gives me and sort that was a massive changing point for me, I really had to learn the fact that I did just run away when things go hard, or I would shut down or clothes off and really facing my arms very out makes them relationship. Yeah, Unknown 6:24 I think to like, what you were saying about insurance. Like, I think now divorces become so normal that it’s like, well, if it’s not working, then we divorce whereas if it’s like, when you think back if I think back to my parents, like they happily married, but I don’t even know how many years now. But like really long time and it’s going through those hard times. And those hard times that actually made them stronger when I look back at the challenges that they’ve been through, and that six kids for god sakes. And you know, that insurance i think is just it’s not like anything with the way that society goes with instant gratification. We want it all now and if it’s not great that we throw it out right so it’s like that constant the word like like the way that we use things to just started them out when they when they use like, yeah, Unknown 7:10 yeah, absolutely Unknown 7:13 dangerous. The meaningful part is really important because I know sometimes divorces a really good idea. And sometimes their relationships where the insurances meaning less, but that’s where you just putting up with sheet and that’s not necessarily a good idea, but the meaningful and you’re into something that I think we definitely as a culture have forgotten. And once you know how to have to enjoy meaningfully, then it does in many ways carrier when, as you say, make your relationship stronger. Amazing. So what would you say you also have a race, Unknown 7:47 a couple of things come to mind in response to this. The first was remain committed to my passions. Oh, yeah. As I realized that, in my past relationships, there was a tendency for me to put my own needs aside, and it wasn’t a conscious decision. But I would always make the relationship my priority. And my partner had never asked me to do that. But just for my own psychology, and the way that I’m wired, as a person that, you know, I would just yet put my own needs to the side and just give up myself to be in the relationship. So, yeah, meaningful insurance in a way, by learning how to bring myself back into that, to still recognize that relationships are priority for me, and, you know, they contribute to my well being in a huge way. And at the same time, how do I stay committed to my own vision, to my own passions, to the things that fill me up as an individual. So I’m not having that experience of losing myself in a relationship. Unknown 8:57 Oh, I think we’ve all been in a situation like that they were all had friends. And you can see them actually do that, where they just forget who they are. And it’s all about their partner, and you just think, hang on a minute, you get to have a choice to and you also get to choose what makes you happy with so many. So I see that happen a lot. So what would you say some of the common problems you find that couples have they’re experiencing when they come to you, Unknown 9:23 when we start, Unknown 9:25 I think communication shy, no fans are disposable five is a couple of key thing and communication that we face a lot that will speak later. I think a lot of the time we are fully communication, fives, we might be talking at each other along, we might be saying a lot of things, but we’re not really understanding each other. And we’re not really getting to the heart of the issue. And so the way that can play out, it’s quite offended, someone will turn to their partners, like, here’s this thing that’s going on for me, and upon will go straight into fixing and I’ll try and fix the problem. And then it’s like, You’re not listening to me, you know why my listening like I am listening, I’m afraid new solutions. Of course, I’m listening know that sense of like, just not getting a job not feeling like I’ve been having, I don’t feel met by my partner. And then that creates a lot of really hot or a king conflict that sense. And we’re not on the same page, we don’t get each other that frustrations. And so we we help couples deal with that. First and foremost, communication is really important. And that that really impacts every aspect of our relationship is, is knowing how to handle conflict, sir, wonderful couples come to say is they kind of ground down by conflict the ground down by miscommunication or feeling ground down, because they they don’t collect they’re on the same page. And that’s quite distressing to feel like you don’t assign pages or not. Unknown 10:53 Yeah, I think in terms of that, like, what brings people to us, like, what are the problems that people are experiencing is just this whole notion of intimacy. And, you know, when we talk about intimacy, most people assume that we’re speaking about sexual intimacy. And we use those words anonymously, intimacy, equal sex, and we take a much broader definition of intimacy, in terms of intimacy is just that the quality of connection in your relationship, which can be sexual, absolutely, which is a huge part of relationships, sexual intimacy, but just on that day to day, how men and how understood do you feel? How, how much do you feel like you get each other? How much do you feel like you’re on the same team, and then you’re working together towards a shared vision, that’s really the problem that brings people to us, and just this lack of intimacy, this lack of quality connection, and what we have this saying the most problems that couples are experiencing our problems of connection, Unknown 12:00 vacation, and, you know, God said, we can be talking at each other, we can be complaining about all these things that are going on with think we think we’re communicating, but at the heart of that is just a real lack of connecting with one another, and really having the tools to be able to get beyond the surface problem, the thing we think we’re arguing about, or the thing we think we’re trying to solve, and just get back to that place that the heart of it’s like, oh, we are on the same team, how do we make this about us versus the problem instead of my problem versus your problem. And we’re on opposite sides, we’ve drawn the battle lines, how do we come together and solve this problem together for being on the same team, instead of being against each other Unknown 12:47 federal conflict resolution? Unknown 12:50 Yeah, and sometimes people that’s just experienced as a yearning, I just have this more depth in a relationship, more intimacy will connection, three said, more quality time together. And that, that is just that, that yearning. And sometimes it’s also the yearning for more sex for more sexual connection. Or sometimes it’s a yearning for the conflict to stop. And often it’s just that feeling of like, this is the desert and all that it could be. And that’s what really brings clients to us. Amazing. So what is it that you love about what you do, what’s your, what’s your favorite part Unknown 13:30 we get, we get to have couples come to us. And they’re in this place like that they don’t feel on the same page, I think they feel like they’ve lost the love and we get to be with them, when they feel that love again, like when we see it, we see them look at each other. With that sense of understanding, we get to save them guard from funny to being in love. Again, we have just recently that was a client who said, We before it was like this point, like, we just don’t want case, we just don’t like each other anymore. They’ve been together maybe 15 years. Well, too often about a month working to us, you can hate brought tears to my eyes. He said, now that I feel that I have the respect of my woman, I would, Unknown 14:16 I would do anything. Unknown 14:20 And we knew that they felt that way before, but they couldn’t see it. Unknown 14:30 Because when we have a couple second front of us, we can see the love between them, we can see very clearly what has kept them together, and what continues to keep them together. And like most people, when we have problems, when we have just connection now lives, that’s all we’re focused on. So that’s always we’re feeding the problem. And yeah, to see them go from just being so focused on the problem, even while so much love and intimacy and connection is there but they don’t realize it to then it’s recognition is the word that’s coming up for me in this when they get to recognize and really see each other again, and the relaxation that happens in them, and the softening. And again, just the way that they look at each other. And the way they speak to each other like, Ah, yes, Unknown 15:24 we see now Unknown 15:26 I think probably, I think the whites probably transformation because we also do work one on one with clients and some of our clients on in relationships. We also work for single people. And it’s a similar thing that we’re helping them create transformation. And we get to walk side by side with them as they create transformation their life, whether that transformation is around feeling more confident in their jobs, whether that transformation is around healing for a racy breakup, whether that transformation is around just being more full power in their own life. And I think that’s just the greatest gift on that we get to do that with people is so beautiful thing. I work with women reflex with men. And it’s just we both feel that way. It’s such an honor, yeah, I lost that dynamic to be able to go and work with a couple with a couple like, I think that dynamic so well together. And I would love to love to dive back into what we were doing before. But I would love to know a little bit more about what you feel is the key things that gets people to that stage of conflicts where know to need to be right, and those constant conflicts that are happening in a relationship, what are some key things that you feel that a couple really needs to work on, to be able to move through that and work past it. Because I think one of the key things is, there’s such a stigma around counseling here in Australia, and getting help, whereas you guys do is so different to counseling. And it’s understanding that there’s so much more that goes into a conversation or conflict, it’s not just about that, like he was saying, it’s not just about that one argument that having right then and there, Unknown 17:04 I think we need to put this conversation in context in terms of, we grow up. And we get programmed by media, by culture, by our family, by our parents about how to do relationships. And this is never explicit, it’s implicit, but it’s just the context in which we just absorbed this stuff by osmosis. And most of it is really unhealthy. Like, let’s be straight up about that, even about parents had a really good relationship, often than not, they’re not modeling that the greatest tools and techniques and mindsets and habits and ways of doing relationship. So we get exposed to that growing up. And then we become adults. And we just kind of pushed out of the nest into the world. And it’s like, now go have healthy functioning relationships, and a healthy functioning sex life with receiving no education, or no help on how to do that. So that’s what we’re working with here. No tools, no techniques, just some unconscious stuff that we’ve picked up and most of us are just bumbling our way through it. And also with the expectation that we should just know how to do it. And this is what trips us up. And this is why it’s so difficult to reach out and ask for help. Because of that expectation of all you just supposed to know. And the shame and the guilt a lot of people feel when if I’m just supposed to know this. But when I look at the quality of my relationships, and I look at how things are going between us, and it’s not working, what’s wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? And as soon as we asked that question about ourselves, our mind finds all the reasons that we are doing something wrong, which is compounds the guilt shame, which makes it the hardest thing in the load to reach out and ask for help and support. Unknown 18:55 Yeah, it’s that sense that we’re reaching out because we’re broken, which is really not how we say it, we really see the couples that are reaching out to us doing so because I want to be awesome, you know, it’s not about unbroken, we need to fix it’s like, let’s, let’s get awesome tools. So we can be more awesome. Let’s work on ourselves the same way that you don’t go to a pay TV because you’re broken, you got to pay tape because you want to be stronger. And so we really do kind of like to flip the script on this around what it means to go and get relationship card chain. It’s not about being broken, it’s about being stronger. And it’s about finding ways to create the dream of your relationship that can also be fun part of what we do we practically intimate scene our brand is we want this to be fun. We wanted to be real, we want it to be practical and relatable, Unknown 19:44 different it’s more the women that are driving the Unknown 19:48 coming to the coaching sessions or is it a mix or Unknown 19:53 Yeah, it’s it’s kind of tricky. I think probably women more often the instigators and I think that’s really a reflection on the amount of shame and have, you know, an app called job, how we tell men not to have feelings, you know, to not any sort of to be really strong and never need help. And it’s that extra kind of haiping of that shame and guilt and sort of federally a conditioning that race was talking about. But I think really does prevent men from reaching out. And I think we would have probably if we have more of a culture of women going and doing workshops and go into groups together and women circles and we do have a culture of personal development for women a lot more than we do. And then particularly in Australia, I feel like it’s finding other countries. We have clients in the US and I feel like the men are a lot more easier to work with you. And here in Australia. I think we think we have a particularly impressive culture, then Unknown 20:45 it’s often the case we found that yes, the one will be the instigator. Because of all the reasons that God mentioned and show often drag the partner somewhat unwillingly into our coaching or into working with us. And it’s always interesting, because very quickly, he’s like, Oh, this is great. Like, Unknown 21:08 I’m learning. I’m learning skills, and I’m learning tools. And I’m learning mindsets that helped me get what I want. That helped me connect with my partner, and oh my god, now that I know how to listen to her, we’re having more sex. This is great. Like, you can show me more that. Yeah, it’s always a very funny progression, that way of like, we know how awesome the workers and how relatable and how approachable it is that there’s just that often that little hurdle barrier for guys didn’t know about this it’s a little between what are these guys on about like to talk about my feelings and stuff but once they experience the results like oh, I get to have I get to get an have what I want my god testing Unknown 21:53 is I feel like now they have a giant that develops these like little frame indices with his clients and open the men of the ones who like I actually want to continue working with race because I don’t think men get many outlets to see Unknown 22:08 having said all that we absolutely do get manual you’re kicking you know bring a partner kicking and screaming as well I could go both ways right like and I really do want to acknowledge those men that especially if they’re listening by any chance that that all the instigators in their relationship and that are really driving their own cars. We absolutely do have those men as well. And I many ways that I do feel that at the forefront because they are resisting this this culture in this. DuPont awesome Unknown 22:38 man. Yeah, yeah. But I would actually love to hear from you race. Because any advice that you’d be able to give women who really want to get their partner to working with a coach working with you guys, what would you say would be a good way to broach the subject or to guide them into looking at it as a possibility? Mm Unknown 22:58 hmm. Good question. Who is it? Unknown 23:03 Ok. So the intention to want to work on your relationship is a notable one, because it’s a very clear recognition that, hey, there’s problems in our relationship, hey, there is things that I would like to work on. Or even alternatively, to that, I feel like there’s more for us. So I just want to acknowledge that the intention is a beautiful, genuine, powerful one, Unknown 23:29 unfortunately, what tends to happen is that it’s spoken in a way where Unknown 23:37 good intentions aside, can come across as pressure expectation and badgering. And what I’ve noticed is that most men have very, very sensitive to perceived criticism. So even though the intention is genuine, hey, I want to work on our relationship, even stating it in that way most men are going to interpret that is you’re not doing it, right, there’s something wrong with you, you need to get help. Unknown 24:06 And so just understanding that men are incredibly sensitive about a seat criticism. And so if we can understand that it’s about how do we communicate in a way that’s empathic, compassionate understanding. And then it’s an invitation instead of an obligation or expectation. And so one of the ways that we can do that in there to give some really practical examples here is stating in terms of what your desire is. So for the women stating it in terms of, I would really love for us to be more connected, I feel a yearning to be more intimate, we have this saying about underneath every criticism is a yearning beneath the complaint, that desire beneath the complaint. So you’re wanting him to be more involved in the relationship, if you’re wanting to step in and help co create this, then speaking that in terms of your desire, I really want us to go deeper, I’d love to feel like I can connect with you more. And that makes an invitation instead of an obligation or an expectation, which is going to be received in a much cleaner way. And it’s not necessarily that he will be all of a sudden, yes, I’m totally on board with, it will still need to be a dialogue there. And it’s still a very gently, gently approach. But just yeah, being very clear that it’s an invitation instead of an expectation, Unknown 25:34 I think something else to add to that is also taking ownership of like, for the way to take ownership for this is something you want to do for you. And as opposed to saying, like, you need to want to do it too. I think it’s sometimes a we can fall into a trap. But I want to do this thing, I’m interested in exploring it. And it says, it doesn’t have to come from it. Because this is work. And it’s just this I want to grow. I’m using that PT analogy again, like, I want us to be even stronger. Because like, we’ve got wealth to conquer together. And would you be willing to support me on that journey, because he might not wants to go into coaching, or he might not want to work and its relationship he wants to support you. And it was important to you, and you can earn that quite often we shy away from already things that we want to feel shame, Doris, this is something that I want, and I would love your support. And again, Unknown 26:29 and if he if the answer is you still go to the thing is why often we do work, I work with them in a relationship. But that doesn’t mean you can’t do the work. And it’s just taking that responsibility for what you own and defined. So in that case, where they are working on their own themselves in creating that gross to themselves that it becomes any form of disconnect. Because I I do notice with even with someone like business coaching clients, like the ones that are in relationships, I’ve got to make sure that I check in with what’s happening with that as well. Because so much growth that we do throughout my program, that there’s got to be that checking. And otherwise, there comes a time where the pot and feels like you’re changing this is, you know, you’re different now, like what’s How do you gauge that? How do you support them through that, Unknown 27:20 because a lot of what we teach communication, and we’re really encouraging to be communicating Unknown 27:27 and accuse me off work on the relationship there is interaction that Unknown 27:35 and it’s not just about working on oneself, isolated from the relationship is about working on your 50% of the relationship. So that does have an impact on the relationship, that relationship changes. But it’s not about going off and doing it like, you know, the amount into that. And I think it’s still very much leaving the relationship on the case that communication, so he feels like, he’s also still involved in that process as well. Unknown 28:04 There’s also a common misconception that when one person is doing the work, and this is especially prevalent with women who are doing low that person’s work, that he needs to be doing it like on his individual journey, he needs to be going to the workshops, he needs to be doing the things and there’s this is an unspoken expectation and assumption that that’s what it looks like to be met or on the same level. And I think a big part of what we do is like calling that out in that, yeah, there’s just this huge expectation about what he’s supposed to look like. And it’s, it’s often this way of the person who is doing the work of really kind of, I don’t know, avoiding themselves in a way, it’s like, it’s only a co creative relationship. And he’s doing the workshops as well. And so what we do is just like, again, it’s like, get that hundred percent responsibility for 50% of the problem. But this also ties back into that prioritizing your own self development journey, Unknown 29:07 and being comfortable with difference in your relationship. And so that it’s okay if he’s not doing the work the way that you’re doing the work. Because as we’ve been speaking about just one person focusing 100% on their 50%, the problem is going to change the relationship dynamic a lot. And some ways it’s going to make the other person uncomfortable. But in a lot of ways, it’s going to make the relationship work a lot better, because it only takes one person to completely transform relationship. So we really calling out that assumption that it’s supposed to look a certain way for him to be meeting you are stepping up Unknown 29:48 now, he is giving example, I’m working with her. And he’s not going on the journey, Unknown 29:55 he’s going on a journey, because the relationship is changing. It’s just that he’s not getting the same type of support you might be getting, or elsewhere, you might be getting, oh, by going surfing, you might get a support by doing his Stephanie’s work. You know, a lot of the time we find that man, it’s like their personal development is in Korea. And as I’m sure you know, and all of the people that you work with, like working on your business and your career will part of you. That’s a type of personal development doesn’t have to look like a Tantra workshop. And so yeah, recognizing that we each have our own way of doing that growth. And it is respecting and saying that it will vary on this as well. Because it’s often can also to come from a place of wanting to change someone. And it’s like, well, yeah, this is no need to change someone and being able to recognize that you’ve got to do the work yourself. But also notice that change, trying to change someone is like literally wasting your time. Unknown 30:57 Yeah, absolutely. So what would you say are some of the big myths that come into some of your coaching though, people come to you with you, just like God, just squash this? Unknown 31:07 I think the one that you again, which in terms of the one Unknown 31:11 yeah, Unknown 31:12 and you’re just shows up in so many different ways. And it’s especially prevalent in the environment. Yeah, like the one or the twin flame is the other way that is spoken about this assumption that if I just made the perfect person, then it will just flow and I won’t have to work on it. It’ll all be bright. And from an experience, it’s completely complete bullshit. Yeah, because like, no matter how well matched you may be, or how well aligned in terms of your values, or your last part, or how you live your life, there is always going to be conflict. Unknown 31:45 And so I guess that’s one of the other myths as well, that if we can get to a certain level of relationship, then there’ll be no more complex, Unknown 31:55 you know, just like your career, your relationships continually evolving. And as long as you’re alive, it’s going to continue bringing up your ship Unknown 32:05 very few great arenas for personal development in your relationship. And it’s about how do I see it as a practice? Unknown 32:14 How do I approach my relationship in a way in full knowledge that it’s going to continue to bring up all of my stuff, it’s going to continue to show me the places where I’m not honoring myself, where I’m not honoring another and how do I just make the commitment to showing up and facing that when it comes Unknown 32:32 up? And then it’s not a destination, right? Unknown 32:37 Yeah, yeah, Unknown 32:38 yeah. So I would love to know more about your experience with the fact that you guys work together at the same time as being in a relationship Unknown 32:47 legend that that would bring up even more stuff to tell us a little bit about Unknown 32:51 your journey by Unknown 32:52 how you how you do that, Unknown 32:55 I think is very well the question you just asked about, man. So the idea that differences of bad you know, that that opposites attract, so that we were supposed to be the same noise, Unknown 33:10 we are attracted to two assignments, we will always have those areas, and that’s something to be celebrated. But working together Unknown 33:20 really can be challenging. We do we are very different in many ways. The same is by far different than what’s become so much so I wanted to one of the key things to me like, Unknown 33:36 I like to kind of run like, I’m very like, speed of implementation. And let’s do this thing. Like let’s set a really quick deadline. You know, I’m always really looking forward and let’s do the next thing and dream big and Good, good, good, good try. Which is, you know, on the flip side or something I have struggled with my whole life recently other hand tense, like really think deeply about quality and consideration and like slowly slowly let’s take our time and you can imagine when we’re having business brainstorming meeting how that can be I can be really frustrated I’m like oh my god why is taking making decision already let’s go like impression to us. Yeah, sorry, something we really had some learning how to use that differences as a string Unknown 34:27 actually want to collaborate and respect the fact that we do printed to say, like, I now respect the races, that slowing me down. And that’s a good thing. I don’t need to be a million miles ahead, galloping as fast as I can, like, pulling on the rain that actually I’ve seen it time and time again, we will create better quality work, people feel better Unknown 34:53 if I allowed to, Unknown 34:58 and then vice versa. Yeah, Unknown 35:00 for me Unknown 35:04 the uncomfortableness and leaning into my Unknown 35:08 social me noticing that my default when my habit is to be very slowly. Let’s consider this. And let’s think of all the ramifications and all the possibilities. What does that mean an end of the same time, like, let’s have this view good as well. And so the growth engine for me is your understanding that I’m a comfort and security seeker in that way. And it feels really uncomfortable for me, like, Let’s go, gallop, and let’s do this exciting thing is like whoa. overstimulating and there’s also a lot for me to learn in as well. Because I don’t want to just indulge the things that I’m comfortable with a very much realized that if there is more for me to learn. So being able to push a little bit in lane a little bit even go a little faster than maybe uncomfortable, where it’s like, oh, wow. Yeah, we we can just do that thing in a day instead of a bar. Haha. Fantastic. That’s great. Yeah, we call that Unknown 36:06 collaboration. And we really recognize it as a complimentary Actually, Unknown 36:14 it’s also the ability to want to find common ground instead of again, like digging into our side this is the way I do things and best way you do things and here we have this saying, fuck compromise. Let’s collaborate because compromise brings up images of I have to we both have to lose something in order to just get along Unknown 36:38 that’s a crap model. I don’t want to have to keep up something just so it can be agreeable. Let’s take the time to really find a way that feels good and sometimes a little scary and exciting but the we’re honoring our strengths and we’re leaning into our uncomfortable growth engines and everyone’s a powder and yeah it’s a real creation collaboration any one of the key Unknown 37:04 things to me that has allowed me to do that one of my blogs that I’ve had to hurry if they’re always saying like Unknown 37:12 addition to being right and yeah I mean I mentioned that before it’s really an identity we we tie our part one so much to their opinions we think the challenging our identity right here that feels like I’m sorry suddenly Unknown 37:28 for me recognizing wow maybe my way is the right way maybe braces ways Maybe there is no right way let’s just entertain either were all right. And that has helped me to collaborate. Unknown 37:44 Whereas before like I have to compromise because my ideas, right, I have to let it Unknown 37:49 sit there and challenge perfectly often we might be like, a good 20 minutes into an argument for like, Unknown 37:56 actually the right way, maybe not completely wrong, and just challenging myself like that compromise, let go Unknown 38:06 freely. And with joy and happiness, I can actually see you’re right, that is best way forward here. Let’s do that. Then. I feel like that collaboration is going to just huge learning for us. There is one Unknown 38:21 yeah, absolutely love that. Because I guess easily translated to any form of relationship. But going back to just the normal relationship and having that beautiful collaboration and allowing your passions to come into it. And that you both you know, allowing that to happen and respecting other people’s strengths, other people’s passions that also to in a working relationship, whether you’re in a relationship with the person or it’s just your boss, or it’s just another teammate and respecting their strengths and their timing and their patterns and having that awareness and awareness is massive also Unknown 38:53 the same tools in any relationship Unknown 38:59 take the time to really get Unknown 39:07 priority when you’re in connections like this boys away to work together Unknown 39:12 and how does it benefit of I respect you Unknown 39:18 because I see I see the way for you to print I get to know I learned from him and as opposed to feeling like wow, this is whole universe going on in that and this man is capable as opposed to thinking I right he’s wrong when I when I flip the script it’s like actually he’s really capable and I love seeing my part of the capable that’s really sexy and so it can actually help us to come back to connection and deep respect and admiration Unknown 39:48 so so Unknown 39:49 important, like honestly, cultivating any form of relationship I think that that is that’s Kate and then the other person actually feels heard like you were saying earlier like that corn age actually feel like we’re being understood it entered that allows that to happen. Like if possible always filtered in vironment lovely so what would you say I’d love to hear it has been any major haiti’s value but any major challenge you’ve had with the new business that has been growing Unknown 40:19 the first couple of years that we were in business, we came into this we can no real prior business experience at all. So we’ve been traveling around the world. And we were actually in Turkey when we decided, Hey, I think we have the beginnings of a business here. And okay, well, what do we do? We need to find someone who can teach us how to run a business, which is exactly what we did. We found a great apartment in Turkey to live six months, we found ourselves a business coach who taught us how to run an online business. And the first couple of years were probably the hottest few years of my life. I have, I have been through a lot in my life. Like I struggled with depression and anxiety for a lot of my life. Yeah, I had a lot of challenges in my life. And by far, learning how to run a business on the other side of the world with no other support, besides my coach, and my partner was, yeah, not knowing how I was going to make ends meet, not knowing how we’re going to put food on the table. The next month, we had quit our jobs, we were traveling on savings, which were quickly dwindling, especially on the hiring a very high price business coach, and it was just the pressure to survive. Unknown 41:37 Yeah, like to that. Unknown 41:39 And then being in that with your relationship with that as well. Like, holy hell Unknown 41:46 yeah, we didn’t really put ourselves in the file maker. Right. Yeah, I mean, I Unknown 41:51 think one of the things, Unknown 41:56 we see our attention, Unknown 41:59 I think, for us, Unknown 42:05 and I think it’s so easy to fall into that based on the way that we see all the corrections, all the marketing, or around like, you know, these success stories and how people didn’t pray moms. But what you don’t know is that they were already working in industry, and I had all of these contacts, or they’re just a complete fucking here. Yeah, and those expectations will make that growth period, so much harder than it needs to be. Because on top of how we’re going to make ends meet, and wow, the learning curve is like this particular, you know, we’re not going on on top of that report, and we’re filing this it should look different, we should be somewhere other than where we are. And I think that just suffered a loss for, for quite a few, you really do make that for, as opposed to just enjoying, and be okay, with where we’re at, like, we were making ends meet, we were able to support ourselves, we didn’t borrow any money to build our business or, you know, in many ways we were, we were 16 now, we were profitable, very, very quickly and sore. But we couldn’t say that at the time. Because we have these expectations. And I were in many ways, something that joy out the whole process. It sounds Unknown 43:22 very cliche, but we weren’t enjoying the journey. Yeah, yeah, there was this, this goal out in the future, and this huge expectation pressure to get there to make it when I get there, then I’ll get to feel good. Once we have X amount of money in the bank, or once we have X amount of clients, then I’ll get to feel good. I think that’s been one of the biggest lessons over the past couple of years, is that again, as cliche as it sounds like you have to be here, and Unknown 43:54 to be during the journey to be acting from a place of I’m doing this because I feel it feels good to do this. Instead of I’m trying to get somewhere and then I get I’ll be happy when and I Unknown 44:10 were to say, this is what changed it because the truth is growing up for your business. Now. It’s also just we’ve been building a client base consistently, reputation momentum. But also we’ve seen a huge shift Unknown 44:23 because simply because, but we started to prioritize what do we want our business to feel like one of the passion projects, I’ve always wanted to write a book Unknown 44:34 coming out in April next year, we’ve always wanted to do couples workshops. So this year, we just started running couples workshops, we’ve always wanted to do a retreat. So in February next year, we’re running every tree. And when you know it, a business has doubled in terms of revenue tripled in profit. And I won’t say it simply because we just started doing what we love the artist. But I think there is a lot to be said for, we stopped worrying about what we should be doing and what was going to like, we were told we had to have an online course to remain not like force. And we we struggled through it, and it didn’t take off like be hard to work where the things that we felt really good about it really passionate about have been really successful. So I think that has been a really big learning for us is finding what is good for us, what really connecting to our why of why we started the business and allowing us to shape our business decisions, that that’s key, like when you have that positive energy behind it, then then a challenge that comes up, you could so easily overcome it. And it doesn’t feel like you’re just pushing uphill, it’s actually that this is exciting, this is happening and so fun. Whereas I think and even the from a business perspective, that strategies of just trying new things and implementing into new offerings, I think is massive, worse, people often get stuck in that place of nothing’s working. And then they do anything from that place. Where is it? Let’s just see what else we could try Unknown 46:03 to go. So you know, there’s a lot of noise in terms of business, this is the way Unknown 46:13 social media Unknown 46:16 as a new business, it’s because Unknown 46:23 all these people seem to have the answers like, Unknown 46:28 Okay, I’ve got to run a five day challenge, I’m going to do this. And it just becomes so overwhelming. And yet the sort of self defeating feelings that come up as like, I have to be doing all of these things. And absolutely, there was a time and place for all of those things. But I think it just takes experience and time to really understand that those are the things that works for those people. Unknown 46:55 And what works for me, maybe different, and just focusing on what actually feels good. Again, just coming back to that I want my business to feel good, I want to enjoy working on my business. And so if it feels good to try and create a funnel and cool go do that produce good to post on social media, cool, go do that. But just learning to really honor your own inner voice, and where you’re being compelled to go Unknown 47:22 and go get support with that, like, we run a little workshops, etc. So we went and got support coaching around how to successfully run workshops. But we didn’t do that. Because somebody else convinced us that we had to be doing workshops, that was a genuine interest for us to something that we really felt sorry, I think, and that’s where it says it just, it does take time and experience to work that out. Unknown 47:45 And I just like when I think about really enjoying the work, like, I just love that you guys are a niche. And you’re challenging yourself a new, growing new building that awareness around your own relationship, as well as the business relationship and the support you give your clients. But then also to like, I love it, how when you think about building a relationship and having the foundations in place, you then go and throw in the fact that you don’t actually have a stable place where you live. Unknown 48:12 I Unknown 48:14 like putting in final questions. And then, you know, running a business together. And then you have said, yeah, we have to remove who wants to a month because that might be like last week, twice. Unknown 48:28 Yeah, we were twice. Yeah, we live out of a suitcase, Unknown 48:35 we put ourselves in the deep end. Unknown 48:38 Yeah, it’s the nothing stable. We, we, Unknown 48:45 when we came back to Australia, Unknown 48:49 we weren’t ready to settle down in one place. And we’re still not like, next year, I’m going to Mexico because we want to be Mexico. And we can because the house sitting allowed us to do that. And again, it wouldn’t work for other people. But we had to find what works for us. And it comes with a cost Absolutely. Reading twice in one week is very challenging the business when you’re also running workshops and running and all these kinds of things. But it’s what the our lifestyle and so we got clear on that vision and and what we want for ourselves. Yeah, you know, it’s not easy, but anything worthwhile. It’s not easy. certainly interesting. Yeah, Unknown 49:31 we have their relationship is Johnny Our relationship is outlined Unknown 49:36 have a house, we don’t have a physical harm our relationship now we call it a relationship sanctuary, or our relationship cream, you know, it’s this place that we can come home to. And so we feel solid, even once a month wholesale, I just think it’s awesome. Unknown 49:55 Throwing all of that together. And it’s really pushing yourself to actually Unknown 50:00 walk right, like, so really important. I think you see so many people doing the online thing and make, you know, I love the fact also to that you’re challenging the norm of what it is, has to be all relationships have to be throw that throw it Unknown 50:15 all in and just say what Unknown 50:19 I feel really good about us as well. One of the cool part is just one on one clients and the couples is you get to decide, like, Unknown 50:31 you get to decide and design every aspect of your life. And we’ve existed in a culture that has tried to limit us What does effectively limit us in so many ways programmed to believe what we are capable of, and we help people bust through that because we continually push ourselves to bust through that programming to like, we get to decide exactly what this looks like. And that’s exciting and scary as fuck at the same time. It’s like, wow, the sky’s the limit. Or Unknown 51:03 do you have to work for it? And network doesn’t have to be struggle? You know, I think for us again, that really sad realization of, yeah, it’s taken us some four years to get our business to a point where we really feel it’s thriving, and that’s okay. So yeah, we get to define it. And it’s okay, that that takes work. Unknown 51:25 Not doing it wrong. If it doesn’t just instantly manifest for you. on your on your doorstep. Yeah, and all the good things take out that way. Absolutely. Play the long game. So Unknown 51:39 I’d love to know what are you excited about for 2019 Unknown 51:43 he catching Unknown 51:46 on to bring again, we get married in Thailand? Wow. Yeah, twice. Unknown 51:56 We are having a Unknown 51:57 ceremony in Thailand. But it won’t be legal. So we’re getting legally married in Hawaii, just this Unknown 52:04 card, then our book is being released. So we haven’t we haven’t released the titles that are interested in hearing about it. They can follow us on social media or join our email list, then, yeah, we’re next the card. We’re also running retreated. Even before we get married. I’m married couples retreat VIP. We can Unknown 52:30 again, find the email list or follow us on social media to hear about those details Unknown 52:36 this week, actually. So just some things will Unknown 52:41 be vision board for a while. We’re waiting for you Unknown 52:47 to get married. Yay. Unknown 52:55 And it’s not feeling like I’ll be reading it feels scary. You don’t want to wait too long. Because it’s like, it doesn’t feel don’t feel scary anymore. You waited too long, and you kind of lost the passion for it. So this is really cool picture. Unknown 53:30 And even though it’s been chaotic, with the house singing it’s still with established a part of how we live. And that’s about to completely change next year. So there’s also Unknown 53:43 I don’t know what’s gonna happen after that. Unknown 53:47 Yeah, I must admit way of sort of addicted to them Unknown 53:53 also. So you’ve just so generously given us an opportunity to get access to one of your courses. So you tell us a little bit about your conflict to connection course. Unknown 54:04 Yeah, Unknown 54:05 this is one of the core components that we teach a couple. So we have a an online group mentoring program called Rockstar relationship to six month free mentoring program. And at the heart of that is this conflict to connection framework. So as we’ve been speaking about Nicole today, this is really a step by step process of how you get to the heart of issues, how you go from the bickering, he said, she said, I’m right, you’re wrong. How do we get underneath that? And how we come to connection? And how do we collaborate from not place to solve the problem, quote, unquote, problem together, as opposed to trying to battle lines fighting. So yeah, this is really at the heart of a big part of the heart of what we teach couples. And everyone needs to know this, because like, once you nail this in your intimate relationship, and in every relationship in your life, everything changes Unknown 55:01 here and understanding get each other. Unknown 55:06 Awesome. Awesome. Thank you. So I Unknown 55:09 need to jump into that exciting also. Sorry, if people want to get in touch with you. How do they connect with you Unknown 55:16 on the social turn, Facebook and Instagram as practical intimacy. Also, people can, you know, try website practical intimacy, don’t we have blogs we have videos or that they could also get in touch with dots by sending us an email if people wanted to chat or even Pam privately for that kind of one on one support. So feel free to email us Hello at practical intimacy.com. Amazing, amazing. Thank you so much. Because I really appreciate all the beautiful, amazing knowledge that you’ve given us today, or insight and the polarity or creating a relationship while you’re moving around. Well, Unknown 55:58 thank you so much for having Unknown 56:02 me my absolute pleasure. So I cannot wait to share all of this. All of my listeners and no one best of luck for your wedding next year. And also to flex very excited Unknown 56:15 awesome